John's own room!

So, one other first that happened in the month of January, was John got his own room. We had him in our room, partially so that we wouldn't have to make a "nursery" at our old house, and partially b/c it was just easier. We had decided that we would put him in his own room when we moved to our new house. Well, it took us a while to actually move him in there, b/c we were missing one minor detail: a crib mattress!!! :o) Well, January 19th was the big day, er night! I didn't prepare myself for how hard it would be, not for him(he fell fast asleep, like he had been in his crib and his own room all along), but for me! I cried and cried off an on all night. I felt like he was all grown up, even though he was only 5 1/2 months! I think it was a realization of how but a breath life is. I ended up writing in my journal a letter to John about how I felt. Here are some excerpts from what I was feeling.

I had been encouraged even before you were born to treasure every moment, b/c before you know it they will be gone. I thought I had been doing that, but I realized on that evening, that I spent a lot of time just existing, and longing for you to get a "little" bit older so it wouldn't be so difficult (time consuming) to get things done. Putting you in your own room was very eye opening for me. I didn't want to go to bed, b/c I didn't want to see your empty cradle. All I could do was sit in the living room, looking down your hall and imagining you, tall, dark, and handsome, all grown up. I desire for you to grow up and be a man of God and accomplish great things in His kingdom, but I'm not excited about you having to grow up and not be my little boy, who needs me to hold him, & feed him, & nurture him. I guess the whole of what motherhood is, hit me tonight. I think I finally fully grasped all the love & tenderness & fear & hope & all the other emotions that come with being a mother. You are an amazing little guy, and I love watching your personality develop. You have become very social & smiling & "talking" to everyone, and our prayer is that you continue to be friendly and loving, that you would love making people smile & feel comfortable. As hard as all the changes are going to be, I can't wait to see you grow up. I'm so thankful I get to watch every minute of it.